This article was initially posted on http://www.busterrhinos.com just after our 2010 anniversary. Funny read and I thought I would repost it here for people to read. Family life = fun!
Thumb is still bleeding (14hrs later), we did get the poo monster cleaned up, Emily was good but out of bed until 9…ever 5 seconds. Jackson went to bed clean…Beth and I had an anniversary we will NEVER be able to forget.
So it is our 9th Wedding Anniversary and we have both decided that we didn’t really care if we celebrated in any way special if at all – neither of us is just into that sort of thing really unless it’s for milestones. My daughter, Emily, on the other hand just loves to have cake and blow out candles so I figured I would buy a small slab cake bring it home and her and I could write ‘Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy’ on top of it. When Emily found out she was really excited about the whole prospect of having cake and blowing out candles etc. so it was worth the extra effort to stop at the store to pick it up. I also decided to use store bought icing (store bought anything for me is a rarity, I will always make it if I can).
So into the house I come hiding the cake from Beth (who absolutely knows what is going on). I call Emily downstairs to help daddy with the cake, she is excited and raring to go. I realize when I open the icing that I don’t have a knife or scissors to cut off the top of it so I look for the next best thing. Bing…the bell goes off in my head (yes the bell you should never listen too) and remember I have utility blade knives in the storage room…yes, you heard that right, just the blade. So, being extra super careful….not to take any precautions and throw ALL safety to the wayside I rush to cut the top off the icing. I missed, really didn’t even knick the icing tube – I did cut about HALF WAY THROUGH MY FREAKING THUMB THOUGH…ouch…I knew this was going to be bad. I clamp down on the thumb, hard, very hard. Blood is still coming out (I have cut myself enough to know I might be in big trouble here). I had already put everything down so I walked quickly without alarm past Emily and asked her to come upstairs with me and this is where the hilarity begins
I am not standing at a child proof gate yelling at Beth to open it as I bleed out all over the place (and by bleed I mean – am I going to loose the thumb bleed) the cut was to at least to the bone and I had enough pressure on it to make the tip blue, but yet blood kept coming. Meanwhile Jackson had just finished with one of his many colon emptying poos of the day (or what we thought was EMPTY)…Beth yells at me she can’t help because she is wiping him clean, I am yelling at her that I cut myself…Jackson is playing tickle the testicles (and loving it), Emily is asking what’s wrong…Beth finally is able to pull herself away from poo monster to help me. Opens the gate lets, Emily and I in.
I am running my hand under cold water, it’s bloody, clear water at the top, bloooooody water on the other side. Beth helps me out, we show Emily what can go wrong if you play with a knife – she gets it suddenly. We clean me all up, huge amounts of paper towel and gauze. I decide that going to the hospital would be the girly thing to do (smart, but nonetheless girly.)
Meanwhile the little poo monster has been running around happily with his newest bestest friend blowing in the wind (aka no diaper on) enjoying life and liberty. My little Miss Emily and I sit on the couch together and I smell more poo… The ensueing conversation is not a dramatization:
Me: ‘Beth, did you get everything off Jackson?’
Beth: ‘Yes, Why?’
Me: ‘Okay just wondering why you didn’t wipe off the poo artwork on his chest, don’t worry about it then.’
Turns out the little man decided that not having his diaper on was a great time to poo and pee AGAIN….
Happy Anniversary Beth – love you lots….Thumb is still bleeding.