I hit 41 this year. Yes I am getting old, and I am starting to realize that I need to start looking after my heart and the other crap that makes you … go. Don’t get me wrong, for a person who works in a meat packing plant, who doesn’t believe veggies are good for you and that exercise is very likely a form of demonic possession, except for my weight, I am really not as bad as many may think [and by "many" he is referring to me, his wife ... sigh, carry on honey ... ~Beth]. My blood work always comes back clean (how the hell…?) my cholesterol is normal, and my blood pressure makes my doctor shake her head in disbelief every time she takes it.
I have read and watched over the last several months many things about this new miracle grain they found, you may have heard of it; “oatmeal”? Well apparently this stuff is one of the few natural products that can effectively lower your cholesterol. Too bad this wasn’t found years ago. A couple other seeds that help too, flax, sesame seeds…wow, who invented this stuff, amazing.
So onto the Heart Smart Bacon (HSB), many of you have a love affair with this magical meat, including me. I have also, in the last year, been able to lure my wife and kids over to the dark side of bacon love. [True, true ... ] I learned how to make my own bacon from scratch. I will often sit in the fields at night massaging the bellies of the swines I know will be presented on my kitchen table in short order. [So THATs where you have been going at nights!? First it was pulling your pork ... we may need to talk about this one]
The big question is how do you make this succulent king of meats, “heart smart’, afterall it is basically fat interspersed with meat, and generally when it’s a 50 / 50 split between the two, it’s at the height of goodness. While making the family feast today, I had one of my regular 1000 yard stares (I had been up since a god awful 5:45 am). I quickly ran downstairs and found the Quaker Oatmeal (Quaker has hired almost all my family at one point or another and are in Peterborough) . I shuffled through our cupboard with an ounce of fear and a pit in my stomach realizing we might not have the next ingredient, when the sun hit that silver package my heart leaped and I was short of breath, only the finest dark chocolate … chips … for this.
I quickly toasted the oats along with some flax seed and sesame seeds, I melted the chocolate … chips … in the old French style … microwave. While this was happening I was crisping up the bacon in our well used, beautifully seasoned cast iron frying pan (unless Beth gets hold of it and scrubs it down ’cause it’s dirty’) [Hey now, get it right, I have never scrubbed it down - just burned the sh*t out of it .... twice]. After the bacon was crisped to the exact perfect level, I patted it lovenly and tenderly dry of any remaining fat. The chocolate had cooled and so had the toasted oats. I carefully dipped the bacon in the chocolate making sure to lick my fingers clean. Once that bacon was dipped in chocolate I coated it with the toasted oatmeal, flax seed and sesame seed mix, then off to the fridge to cool (cause I am patient like that). Voila! HSB!
As it turns out, this treat will make it into lunch bags for the kids. We will probably sit down and have a whole breakfast meal out of it, the entire time realizing that the oatmeal and other good seeds will be collecting all that apparently bad cholesterol from the bacon.
So if you are a lover of the bacon and are worried about your own health think about making this HSB a regular part of your diet. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Note: Although I hope you can tell this is not serious I trust you had a good time reading it. I did honestly make bacon like this and yes it was fantastic. Give it a try, go ahead. Just don’t think this is really Heart Smart Bacon!!!